Behind these Hazel Eyes
by TotallyTiva
Summary: Songfic. After time travel. R&R Pretty Please! Zane/Jo
1. You Don't Get To See The Tears I Cry

_**Seems just like yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on**_

_Before I left to 1947 he was mine, we would go everywhere with me, we were like one, we were each part of each other. To him I used to be so tough on him, always sending him to jail. If only he knew about the other time line… does he even think about us together now? In the other time line the first time we kissed it was like we were meant to. I don't and never have believed in fate or destiny or all that but it felt like we were always meant together and only then did we realize it. Now everything has changed while I can't imagine us not together he's not missing anything. He doesn't even know about the other time line, nor will he ever. I can barely hold on, he was… is everything to me, but to him I'll be the one he despises and avoids._

_**Here I am once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes**_

_Just another day without him. Just another day I wonder why I'm here, why I haven't just given up yet and left Eureka? He's never going to know about what we had. Or how much I needed him, and relied on him. The only one I had ever told any of my most dire secrets. The only one who had seen my real emotions run free. He was still my Zane. Just with different memories. Right? Who am I supposed to tell that I'm hurt because of him? If he's the one that I would always tell that sort of thing to? He's the one that hurt me, yet not at the same time. It's not his fault that I got sent back in time. For once he won't be the one I run to when I am crying. For I am crying for him. He won't get to see the tears I cry for him.  
Not this time._

_**I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now that's left of me  
Is what I pretended to be**_

___I confided in him, I told him everything. It just happened. I never thought I would trust someone that much. And actually I didn't. In this time line there is no my-Zane, I didn't confide in him. I locked him in my jail cell instead. Not only did I trust him I felt calm, like myself before I changed when I was young. When my mom died I had to live like my brothers so myself wouldn't be decimated instead I just changed myself. When he came I started to change back, I wasn't heartless. Now I have to be all tough on the one that I loved, pretend that I never loved him. Now what I am is what I've always pretended to be like what started when I was young. I'm barely even real if I can't be myself. I can't be myself if he's not here.  
He's a part of me._

_**So together, but so broken up inside  
'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on **_

_When I walk around I have to look like I'm fine, like it's just another day for me. I'm not. I'm hurt beyond words. And no-one can fix it but him, maybe I should tell him. Ever since he asked me to marry him I can't function properly. Zane never messes up on machines but I'm not a machine. Every time I see him walk by it crushes me, when I see him walk by with one of his flirts. My heart stops, what am I supposed to do now? When all I've ever done that has meant anything is gone? I can't breathe when I see him, I can't sleep knowing that he is supposed to be next to me. I can barely hold on. It's hard to find something to hold on to though. _

_**Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes**_

_Sitting in the office reminds me of how we met, how we kissed, how he proposed, all of the memories that no longer exist for him. I know that its' not healthy to dwell upon things but I can't help it, they are the things that I dream of at night. The place I go when I'm upset, into my own head, and Zane's arms. They're my happy place._

_**Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you. I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore**_

_He didn't meant to but he came, acted like a jerk, cared for me, loved me, asked me to marry him, and then… now… he acts like it never happened. I'm forced to as well. My emotions still flow for him though, that I can't help. I wish I could turn them off. I want to have the emotions but I don't want to feel this pain anymore.  
I'll make it go away._

_**Here I am once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes**_

_Why not? No-one will miss me. One less person to worry about blabbing to about the wormhole. After all we should be isolated and sanctioned. Zane will be happy, I won't be able to throw him in jail anymore. Everything that I've done can be replaced, they'll find a new Head of Security, I don't have a house, my room at Carter's can be turned into another room for Zoe or something. It doesn't matter, why should I have to worry about something that won't matter once I'm gone._

_**Here I am once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes**_

___Here we go._  
_I stepped onto the top of the Sheriff's building._  
_Nothing matters now._  
_And I stepped forward._

_**Authors Note-**_

_**Okay, there is another chapter so it's alright I was going to make it a one-shot but decided I couldn't make it like this.  
**__**Zane/Jo**_


	2. I Can't See Clearly Now It's Raining See

I could barely see anything throught the tears that were streaming down my face. All of Eureka was blurred, the town that had originally given me so much love, and so many happy memories. Now will be the place where I am buried, and if anyone actually loved me where my loved ones would come to visit me.

I had changed when I came here, start anew. Forget everything… everyone. No matter where I went, no matter what I did everything would follow me, all the regret, remorse. It was starting to rain, I oculd feel the teardrops whip my face as I look at the group of people standing down there, the happy couples, if only they knew how much I ency them.

The feeling of weightlessness greeted me as I stepped forward, filling my every desire to no longer have to live with this pain.

Suddenly a pair of suprisingly strong arms secured themselves around my waist, and pulled me back to the roof. I couldn't help but cry as mystery person held me close to their chest. All my tears being swept away in the wind with no remnants of them as they collided with the rain. I have noidea how long I sat there with the mystery person. All I knew was that once I looked up and expected to have to explain my actions to Carter, I looked into the eyes I knew only too well.

"Zane?"


	3. Authors Note

**Author's Note-**

**If you want the next chapter you NEED to vote on my poll, I have a pretty good idea of where this story is going to end up I just need to know how to get there. Won't write until I get votes! PRETTY PLEASE!**


	4. Truly Caring Takes Strength, Lucky Me

**Chapter 3**

**Jo's POV**

"Leave me alone, Zane! I don't… I don't need life anymore."

"What! Jo, what about all the people that care about you? What about Allison, and Zoe, everyone else who relies, looks up to you, even counts on you just to smack them back into line?"

"Zane…"

For a moment I considered relinquishing, giving up this… idea. Then I remembered the reason I had even possibly considered it. Him.

"No! You don't have a right to care anymore! You've proven over and over again how easy it is to hurt me, how much you can skim by on fixing my heart before breaking it again."

"Jo, I don't know… I'm sorry. I have no idea what I did to-"

"No, you don't know! That's the point. And you never will."

"I do, Jo, I just don't know exactly what happened, but I want to. I want to fix whatever wrong I or well, I did."

"You know about the… what happened?"

"I practically had to beg. But all of them care about you so much. They said it was your job whether or not to tell me. But they still wanted to help you, whether or not it was through me or not. They didn't tell me about anything that happened in the other time line. But I want to know what happened… basically. They said I did something on Founders Day that was meant to happen, and to pass on that it will happen again… because it was meant to. Jo, please just come down, please… away from the ledge."

I hadn't realized that I was still standing up on the ledge. Slowly I soaked it all in, if he knew then things might change… Things might actually get better. Slowly I moved forward before stepping down off the ledge and towards him.

**Chapter 3 – Part 2**

**Zane's POV**

"Leave me alone, Zane! I don't… I don't need life anymore."  
"What! Jo, what about all the people that care about you? What about Allison, and Zoe, everyone else who relies, looks up to you, even counts on you just to smack them back into line."

For a moment I could see the pause in her eyes, that she was starting to rethink about what she was doing. Hopefully even regret.

"Zane…"

All of a sudden there was cold in her eyes, so suddenly there was a flash in her eyes, and I could practically look into her eyes, and see the distance.

"NO! You don't have a right to care anymore! You've proven over and over again how easy it is to hurt me, how much you can skim by on fixing my heart before breaking it again."

I thought back. Carter hadn't exactly explained what happened. In fact he hadn't even meant to tell me really. That's why I went to Henry, even then all I knew is how it happened in… in the other time. If I caused this I will never forgive myself. What did I do?

"Jo, I don't know… I'm sorry. I have no idea what I did to-"

"No, you don't know! That's the point. And you never will."

"I do, Jo, I just don't know exactly what happened, but I want to. I want to fix whatever wrong I or well, I did."

"You know about the… what happened?"

"I practically had to beg. But all of them care about you so much. They said it was your job whether or not to tell me. But they still wanted to help you, whether or not it was through me or not. They didn't tell me about anything that happened in the other time line. But I want to know what happened… basically. They said I did something on Founders Day that was meant to happen, and to pass on that it will happen again… because it was meant to. Jo, please just come down, please… away from the ledge."

She suddenly appeared to break out of her trance. The look in her eyes pained me beyond comparison, the way that she was appearing to have to think it out. I wanted… no needed to fix whatever had driven her to this point. Whatever… whoever had made her think that this was a possibility, and that the effects and repercussions would somehow be worth it. I watched her climb down, and unintentionally, as if from reflex I pulled her into my arms, holding her protectively, and trying to shield her from the rain, why would she need one more thing to disturb her now? I should tell her… I need to tell her how much I care about her, and how much I absolutely need to know always that she is safe, and won't EVER get hurt.


	5. Sparkle Of Her Charm

**Chapter 4**

**ZANE'S POV**

Jo was asleep in my arms, with me leaning over her, so the rain didn't disturb her peaceful slumber.

As carefully as I could I set her into the car, hoping not to wake her up, her brain needs time to adjust.

I slowly climbed into the car, and look over to Jo. Only now did I notice that setting her in the car had jostled her necklace, the chain that held the charm was now lying draped over the top of her arm, and her shoulder.

I leaned in closer to the sparkle of her charm.

NO! It couldn't be

I had asked her to marry me.

I had loved her.

Only then did I realize what I had blinded from myself.

I love her.


	6. Wake Up To The Harmony Of Creaks

I pried my eyes open and stared blankly at the ceiling for a while, just willing away all the events of yesterday. I knew that sometime I would have to get up and face him and he would care, with no right to. Yet still I slowly started drifting my feet towards the edge of the bed preparing to get up. With ease I put pressure on my wrists and pushed myself up, flinging myself to my feet. I creaked open my door and slowly put one foot in front of another. Great. Another day. Something I was not expecting or looking forward to. I knew that I had options, and I thought about them as I walked down the hallway to the kitchen. I could call in sick, and have people worrying and dropping in all day because that's something I never did. Or I could go in and have the worst day of my life trying to avoid Zane.

I walked into my living room to head to the kitchen when I noticed something. Zane. Asleep on my couch. It was suddenly a minefield, either way if I picked either option seeing him was not something I was planning on having to put up with. Only because fate and karma and destiny and any other thing I can name hates me I stepped on the board. The one board in my entire apartment that creaks. And woke up the mine.

"What? Jo?" He frantically looked around as if I had snuck out my window in the middle of the night.

And then he saw me.

It was mutual silence between both of us, neither of us said anything, or made any move to. Neither of us looked away either we just stood there, looking at each other. And then he stood u and with slow, steady, confident steps he walked towards me. And nothing could have been more cliché than the moment he suddenly looked into my eyes and said:

"Jo Lupo, if I had to go one more day without knowing that the missing piece I've been feeling my entire life was you, I might be standing where you were yesterday. I'm not going to judge you, I'm not going to tell you you need help because if I were you I would have done the same exact thing, because it hurts. I couldn't feel it before because I had no idea there was such a huge gigantic hole in my chest, but now I know it's there it hurts. So, Jo, will you give this me, this different Zane one chance?"

And id didn't answer. I walked out of the room.


	7. Happily Ever After?

And then I froze. And I wondered if I never change, always stay the same in a never moving continuous pattern, what will I get but the same thing forever? And so I turned around, and I grabbed him by the shirt and I kissed him, and I didn't stop.

Until he stopped me and I knew why this Jo he always broke hearts, he wasn't the Zane I changed, he was the same Zane. I changed him because I showed him my heart. This Jo showed him the tough side and so he had to put up his barriers, to protect himself.

"Jo Lupo, I know I am not the same Zane that you once loved, and you are not the same Jo I have ever known but we are Jo and Zane, and if anyone deserves and is meant to be together, it's us. And so even though I have not said a single nice thing to you in this timeline ever. Jo Lupo, you make me a better man. Will you marry me?"

There was nothing to say, nothing to do, nothing to think about.

"Yes."

_**Okay guys, let me make this very clear I am so sorry the ending was horrible. But I have been having some things been going on, and I needed to finish it. If there is anyone out there who doesn't hate me after this I am thinking about a sequel? Any opinions other than to throw tomatoes at me?**_


End file.
